Surfing the wave of grief during the holidays
- Nayda Lamberty
- Nov 13
- 2 min read
When I reflect on the holidays, I notice how the environment fills with happiness and, with it, the expectation of being in a celebratory mood. However, this feeling doesn’t always hold when you’re experiencing a loss. The combination of a “happy” holiday season and the reality of grief can feel like opposites colliding. Your mind might feel pressured to choose between joy and grief, which can lead to guilt. Everywhere you look, whether it’s stores, streets, or social media, you’re met with messages of joy. But what happens when that joy feels difficult to reach?
Sadness, anger, guilt and so many other emotions are natural when you think about what you’ve lost. The definition of grief is unique for each person and, as David Kessler says, the experience of grief is about meaning and how life is lived in the face of pain and the moments you’ve been through. I see grief as a wave that comes and goes. Some days feel easier, and distractions help you keep moving. Other days feel heavier. I want you to know that your grief is not wrong. It is a natural pain that shows up in life. It asks for your presence, your willingness to sit with sadness and discomfort without adding extra layers of suffering. Grief applies to many life experiences, from losing a significant person to adjusting to a new country.
When being sad feels “wrong”
It’s interesting how quickly we can get upset with ourselves when sadness surfaces or when a memory appears out of nowhere. We immediately label it as not handling grief well, without realizing that it hurts precisely because we care and because it matters. We can’t expect to feel “normal” or “happy” when something meaningful feels missing.
Ways to cope with your grief during the holidays
Gently acknowledge the pain and the depth of how much you miss the person, animal, or other significant part of your life, such as your home country.
Take time to check in with yourself and notice what your pain might need. This could be quiet moments of reflection, writing, or looking at a video or picture that helps you feel connected to what you’ve lost.
Reach out to your support system and allow others to be there for you.
Create a list of activities or routines that connect you to your memories, like cooking a familiar recipe, playing music, or watching a favorite show that once brought comfort.
Find meaningful ways to honor their memory by revisiting one of these rituals. For example, on an anniversary, you might cook a favorite meal or listen to music that reminds you of them.
Reflect on the legacy and lessons this person, animal or experience left with you, and consider how you might carry those forward in your life.
If sadness feels uncomfortable or difficult to allow, it can help to set aside gentle, intentional moments to feel it, giving yourself permission to grieve at your own pace.
