The Umbrella in Your Relationship: Couples Therapy in Houston
- Nayda Lamberty
- Oct 30
- 2 min read
What kind of umbrella covers your relationship? I like to think of the different aspects connected to a relationship (such as family, friends, work, childhood experiences, and culture) as an umbrella that surrounds partners while they are together. When we start a relationship, every part of our life “covers” the other person, just like an umbrella on a rainy day.
It’s interesting to realize how many factors influence the development of a relationship. It’s not just about each person; it's about the different elements that shape their connections. When we choose someone, we also engage with their unique experiences and the influences of their upbringing.
To truly understand our partners, it’s important to consider their “umbrella,” which includes their current life circumstances, job, family history, language, culture, and how roles were defined in their family when they were growing up. John and Julie Gottman, through their research and work with couples, emphasize the importance of asking open-ended questions to get to know the other person on a deeper level. During conversations, it’s easy to project our assumptions based on our own experiences, which can lead to misunderstandings. As Gottman suggests, learning about your partner's background encourages a “positive perspective,” allowing us to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Contact us if you are looking for Couples Therapy in Houston. Here are some quick tips to strengthen relationships:
Listen to your partner without jumping to conclusions or reacting defensively.
Open-ended questions are those that cannot be answered with just “yes” or “no.” Examples include “How was your life growing up?,” “How was your day today?,” “What was the most stressful part of your day?” Aim to ask questions starting with “What,” “When,” “How,” “Why,” or “Where.”
It's also important to remember that during conflicts, the focus should not be on “you” versus “I” but on “us” against the challenges we face together. Take time to notice how your body responds, whether you feel stressed or calm while listening to your partner, as this might teach you, for example, that you need some space to process your emotions. Regular check-ins can strengthen your connection. Ultimately, a relationship isn’t about avoiding conflict; it's about having better conversations today than you did yesterday.
