A Letter to Every Postpartum Mother

Dear mama,

If you are reading this at three in the morning, phone lighting your face while your body is still recovering from what it just did, I want to say something: What you are feeling right now does not mean something is wrong with you.

There has been a lot in the news lately about postpartum mental health, and some of it is heavy. If it has made you second-guess feelings you have been carrying without saying so, I wanted to write to you directly, one mother to another, and as a clinician who has sat with many women through exactly this season.

Postpartum: What No One Fully Prepares You For

Somewhere along the way we started treating pregnancy and birth as simple, or just what bodies do. In one sense, that is true, but it also erases how enormous this actually is.

You just went through one of the largest transformations a body and mind can undergo. Your hormones shifted more in the last year than at any other point in your life. Your identity, who you are, what your days look like, what your body feels like, what your role in the world is, changed all at once. And on top of that, you were handed an entire small life to keep alive. Nobody should feel prepared for it, and almost nobody is.

You Do Not Have to Be Fine

If you have been smiling and saying you are okay and just so grateful, while something else is happening underneath, you're not the only one. Many mothers carry a fear that admitting how hard this is means something is wrong with them. It usually means we have built very little honesty into this moment of life. Gratitude for your baby and real difficulty can coexist and are not contradictions.

What Postpartum Can Look Like

Postpartum is not one experience.

If you are crying more than expected, feeling raw and easily overwhelmed in these first two weeks, that is usually the baby blues, which is extremely common, tends to ease within about two weeks, and does not mean anything is wrong.

If those feelings are lingering, deepening, or you notice numbness, hopelessness, disconnection, or anxiety that is not lifting, that may be postpartum depression. It is also more common than most people realize, it is not a reflection of how much you love your baby, and it is a treatable condition. Getting support for it is one of the better things you can do for both of you.

And if things start to feel actually unreal, with confusing thoughts, frightening ideas, a sense that you cannot trust your own mind, that can be postpartum psychosis. It is rare and a medical emergency. Call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room, because getting help fast changes the outcome.

Asking for Help

Reaching out is one of the more difficult and more useful things you will do, for yourself and for the person who needs you functioning, not perfect.

With respect for what you are carrying,

Dr. Tasneem Rodriguez

If you would like to explore this further, read about therapy for life transitions at Real Talk, or Request a Session.

If you are struggling, please reach out to your doctor or a therapist. For ongoing support, contact the Postpartum Support International Helpline at 1-800-944-4773. If you are in crisis or believe you may be experiencing postpartum psychosis, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.