Anger as a Secondary Emotion
We talk about emotions using the basics we learned as kids: happy, sad, mad, and so on. What we did not stop to consider is that some of those emotions are covers for others, or that we find some emotions more acceptable than others. Hopefully we also learned that all emotions are valid, and that it can be easier to express some of them than others. It may be easier to show happiness or anger than sadness, because they feel less vulnerable.
While anger can help us at times, and it is normal to feel angry in certain situations, a deeper look shows that anger can also function as a cover or a protection. It can protect us from emotions that feel more exposed, like hurt, shame, or sadness, and it can give us a sense of control.
The Iceberg
Anger can be described as an iceberg. The small visible part above the water is the outward display of anger, and the large section underneath, which we cannot see, is the deeper emotion hiding below it.
Just because anger is protecting a deeper primary emotion does not mean the primary emotion matters more. The main difference between primary and secondary emotions is how quickly they happen and where they come from. Primary emotions come straight from the event. Secondary emotions come from our other feelings, our thoughts, and how we interpret what happened.
An Example
Your partner cheated on you and you feel angry. Underneath the anger, you may feel sad and hurt that they would betray your trust that way. You may also feel embarrassed, or ashamed for not knowing. It is much easier to act on anger and stay mad than to admit that you are hurt or embarrassed.
These emotions (sadness, hurt, embarrassment, shame) are hard to deal with, hard to acknowledge, and harder still to share with someone else. All of them leave us exposed, which brings up fears of rejection or of being hurt again. That is why we often cover them with anger, so we can feel more powerful or more in control of the situation.
Why Seeing Anger as a Secondary Emotion Matters
Understanding anger as a secondary emotion helps you acknowledge and address the real reason you are upset. Identifying the primary emotion underneath makes it possible to work through it, to find ways of managing it that actually fit, and to understand your own response better.
If you would like to explore this further, read about Dr. Kristen Wheeler or Request a Session.
Real Talk Clinical Psychology is a clinic in Houston, Texas. Our clinicians are in-network with Aetna, Blue Cross Blue Shield, Cigna, UHC/Optum, Tricare, Curative, and Oscar.
